


Focusing on the Present

by RatMonarch



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Family, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Memories, Nostalgia, Resentment, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 11:53:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18992128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatMonarch/pseuds/RatMonarch
Summary: Barley couldn't help but feel jealous in a way. Even despite everything Ravenpaw had been through, he still had happy memories about his old home.Barley wished he could say the same for his.(Slightly based on a personal headcanon that Bone is Barley's father)





	Focusing on the Present

Some days, Ravenpaw would talk about the old forest he lived in. Events like these usually occurred whenever Firestar or any other ThunderClan cat came to spend the night in the barn. Such visits seemed to reignite the sparks of nostalgia in Ravenpaw, causing him to go into random spiels about his time as a Clan cat. 

Ravenpaw hadn’t lived in the forest for very long, but he still seemed have a whole wealth of stories to tell, many of which were memorable. Like the one where, when both Ravenpaw and Graystripe had been warrior apprentices, they had apparently once slipped a slug into Ravenpaw's brother, Dustpelt's, nest. Later that night, they had awoken to Dustpelt squealing and squalling in disgust and terror. Barley had met Dustpelt a smattering of times, and he had to admit, the idea of such a serious and stern tom squealing like a frightened kit _was_ slightly amusing. 

Ravenpaw would recall the hi-jinx he, Graystripe, and Firestar had gotten into during their short time together. He would laugh as he recalled certain jokes and tales he had heard from Graystripe or the elders. He would lament over the fact he never got to truly meet any of his nephews or nieces, especially now that they are living out in the Lake territory. How he would never get to know _any_ of his new Clanmates really now that they were so far away. His green eyes would gleam with excitement as he recounted the time he had managed to successfully kill an adder at Snakerocks.

He would see a wave of fond, but sad nostalgia come over his mate as he remembered his parents, Robinwing and Fuzzypelt, who died of green-cough soon after he and Dustpelt had became apprentices. Ravenpaw would tell him the few memories he still had of them. How Fuzzypelt had been a loyal and dutiful warrior, and how kind Robinwing had been. Apparently, Robinwing had been the one cat who could calm him down from his nervous spells without fail. He noted how scared and alone he had felt for a few days after she died. He talked about how he hoped when he died, he could get to know them better.

Barley would listen to all these stories with a mixture of emotions. On one paw, they were interesting and funny and he liked seeing how happy the memories clearly made his his mate. He was glad that despite everything he had done, Tigerstar hadn’t managed to taint memories of life in the forest completely for Ravenpaw.

But they also made him feel complicated and intense feelings as well. 

They made him feel angry at Tigerstar for basically forcing Ravenpaw to leave the place he had once considered home. 

He felt sad that Ravenpaw, to a small degree, probably wished that he could live in the forest or at the Lake with his Clanmates. 

He felt selfish for being glad that, despite how bad things had to get in order for him to come to the barn in the first place, that Ravenpaw decided to stay with him and not leave him lonely as he used to be. 

He also felt jealous. Jealous of the fact that even despite his trauma, Ravenpaw was still able to find happiness about his past. Barley couldn’t say the same thing about his own.

Thankfully, Ravenpaw never asked about Barley’s past. Barley was ashamed of it. Ashamed that he was once even a member of the wretched excuse of a group known as BloodClan - even if he didn’t necessarily have a say in that matter.

Ravenpaw, when he thought of his old home, remembered luscious trees and plentiful prey. All Barley could remember about his own was hard grey earth, dirt, and starving cats.

Ravenpaw remembered his sibling fondly. Barley could only muster himself to feel positive emotions about his sister, Violet. But even she was tainted somewhat. Whenever he thought of her, all he could remember was what Hoot and Jumper - or Snake and Ice, he supposed - had done to her. How he had been too weak to save her. How much blood there had been. How he had been sure not even a Twoleg could save her. He shuddered at the thought. 

While Ravenpaw barely knew his parents, he still missed them and wish he could have gotten to know them better. They were similar somewhat in that regard. Barley had also barely knew any of his parents, but he didn’t necessarily want to know them better. He could barely remember his mother. She hadn’t been a mean cat. In fact, for a BloodClan cat as old as her, she had been close to friendly. But she had been distant. She never got close with any of them, never interacted much with them. He didn’t blame her for that either. In BloodClan, one never knew when one of their own would die or be taken away. It was best just not to get attached, unless one wanted their heart broken. 

He was pretty sure she didn’t even want kits. But she at least had tried to raise them long enough so that they knew how to take care of themselves before leaving and disappearing from their lives for good. 

His father was a more complicated matter. He _knew_ his father. Every cat in BloodClan knew his father. He was the fearsome deputy after all. Strong, brutal, and intimidating, that is how he would describe Bone. His father was also the only cat who he ever saw his mother get even somewhat excited about. She would tell all of them that they should be honored to be the kits of the BloodClan deputy. She would even look at Barley, Snake, and Ice and mew approvingly that they even looked like them. She said that this would give them benefits later on in life. 

He knew that this had made Snake and Ice happy. They had admired their father, wanted to be exactly like him. His mother had certainly been right that it had gotten them benefits. While he knew BloodClan had probably been a power vacuum after Scourge and Bone had died, he had no doubt Snake and Ice becoming leaders had not been challenged since they looked exactly like their deceased father.

But Barley hadn’t shared the same joy. He wondered if his father was oh so great, why he wouldn’t visit them. Why he would let them suffer like this. Barley had been ashamed to look like his father.

He still felt partially ashamed of that fact. He hated his father. He hated what his father had allowed his brothers to become. He hated the fact that his father’s monstrous blood coursed through his veins. During the battle with BloodClan, he had felt nothing but resentment when he saw his father standing there amongst the BloodClan ranks, and when he was informed of the fact that Bone had been slain, he had felt nothing but indifference towards the news. 

For him, the past only consisted of bad characters and violence. It was a past he was glad to be away from. 

Barley was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts when Ravenpaw flicked his shoulder with his tail tip and said, “Hey, want to help me hunt some mice? I need to stretch my legs and it’s more fun with you and me darting around the barn.” 

Barley had immediately given him a small smile, and stood up, his old joints creaking with the effort. Yes… he didn’t enjoy looking back at the past. The past was something he wanted to forget. He was happy now. He was in a comfortable home, had plentiful prey, and a cat he loved. That was all he needed. 

He was glad Ravenpaw still found some joy in the past… but Barley only wanted to look at the present and future. At the joys he had now.

And he could only hope he provided Ravenpaw the same joy his mate provided him.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this turned out ... right? I have reread it a bunch and it makes sense when I read it, but I always left feeling like my sentences are... wonky. I didn't know how to fix it. I hope it turned out the way I wanted it too!
> 
> But yeah. I've always held this personal headcanon that Bone was Barley's father. It made sense to me in a way. Barley, Snake, and Ice are all described as massive black and white cats just like Bone (and I feel like Violet looked like their mother)... Snake and Ice were taken for secret training (probably because they were related to someone important) ... and Snake and Ice got to be joint-leaders after Scourge and Bone died. I feel like there had to be some relation there, at least in my mind. 
> 
> (Also Barley got his gayness from somewhere-)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and as always, critique is appreciated. 
> 
> Have a good day!


End file.
